It's not often that I come across a piece of written work that really speaks to me...that makes me stop and think "OMG, me too!" (with the exception of anything written by Jen Lancaster. We are kindred spirits). Paintings, sure. All the time. But books and poetry? Much less frequently, probably because I don't read as much as I should. So when I come across something like "Feeling Tender and Vulnerable" by Carmen Torbus which put into words exactly how I've been feeling lately, I just have to share the experience.
I was on a pretty good path until the end of 2010, when a chain reaction of life changing events started to take place in my life. Although I feel like things are finally starting to come together again, I am having a hard time getting my creative journey back on track. I'm still making art, but not in the capacity I should be to achieve the goals I set for myself. There is still nothing I love more in this world than diving into a project and getting myself all messy with paints and glues, so why is it so hard for me to motivate myself to do more of it? It's been a question that's been plaguing me for months.
Today, as I sit in my (very messy) studio, procrastinating on the computer instead of cleaning and making art, I decide to head over to Amazon.com and peruse my Wish List. I look at a book I recently added called 'The Artist Unique: Discovering Your Creative Signature Through Inspiration and Techniques' By Carmen Torbus. Amazon has this really cool feature called 'Look Inside' so you can flip through parts of the book before you buy so you can decide whether you want it or not. I use the 'Surprise Me' option and it turns to a page containing this poem:
Sometimes I sit and dream.
I think of all the things I'd like to do.
I put off the stuff that needs to be done,
trading that time for day dreams.
Thinking of conversations I'd like to have,
with old friends,
current friends and
with friends I've not yet made.
Wondering where the other people like me are.
How do I find them?
How do I connect?
I long to sit and laugh,
sip coffee, or hot cocoa, or tea,
while making a mess with art supplies,
or just chatting about nothing in particular,
or the meaning of life itself.
Deep conversations,
light conversations,
no conversation,
just being.
I don't want to just be a dreamer,
I want to be a doer.
I want to paint.
I want to write.
I want to take pictures.
I want to talk.
I want to listen.
I want to have a tribe of my own,
and be a part of the tribe of others.
I want to be a part of something bigger.
Something good.
Something powerful.
Make a contribution to the world.
Sometimes I think it's me that gets in my way.
Is it fear that stops me?
Lack of belief?
Lack of motivation or energy?
Lack of work?
I sit back and watch others do what I know in my heart I can do too.
Sometimes envious, or jealous, wondering what the secret is.
Wishing I could know what they know,
I cheer them on.
Pat them on the back.
Encourage.
Congratulate.
Sit in awe of.
Recognizing their potential,
their strength,
their capabilities,
their talent,
their accomplishments.
What is the missing piece?
How do I reach my full potential,
my strength,
my capabilities,
my talent,
so that I can realize and accomplish my dreams,
and contribute.
I suppose I'm not alone in my desires,
my dreams,
my paralysis.
I suppose the only way to find out is to "do" while continuing to dream.
I suppose I don't have to know how, I just have to start.
Wow! Apparently I am not the only one that has gone through this kind of struggle! And look at Carmen now....she has overcome her creative 'paralysis' and has this new awesome book out! I love how she puts things into perspective. It seems like such an overwhelming problem, but really the only solution is to just do something. It seems so easy now that I've seen it all spelled out in front of me.
Thank you, Carmen, for inspiring me. I am going to go now and 'start' something....right after I buy your book. If your poem can be this much of an inspriation to me, I can't wait to see what the whole book will bring.
